In the life of every girl, a moment comes when the question arises as to what are menstruation and when they are observed in girls. Let's take a detailed look at this situation and try to give advice to mothers: how to explain to the child what menstruation is and at what age it is necessary to have a conversation on this topic.
When is it worth telling your daughter about menstruation?
Most parents rely on the fact that today, in the information age, children are so developed that they are able to find answers to their questions themselves, without their participation. That is how teenage girls find out what a monthly cycle is for women from the Internet or from their friends. However, this is not entirely correct.
Moms should start conversations with future girls at about 10 years old. It is precisely this age that psychologists consider more appropriate. Moreover, today quite often menarche (the first menstruation) comes before the previously set 12-13 years.
How to explain to the girl what monthly periods are?
In order to correctly and easily explain to my daughter what menstruation is, why and how they occur in the female body, what is their meaning, it is necessary to adhere to the following rules:
- It is necessary to start talking about menstruation at an early age. It is best if the conversation takes place in a natural context. For example, you can start with the fact that the time will come when the girl will be completely similar to her mother: breasts and hair will appear in certain places.
- Gradually, as you approach 10 years old, start telling your child more specific facts.
- Already at 10-11 years old, you can tell the girl what menstruation is, what a cycle of menstruation is. It is very important to answer all the questions that the child will ask. If the mother does not know how to give the answer correctly, it is better to say that she will answer a little later than to remain silent and leave the question unattended.
- All answers should be extremely simple. There is no need to go into the essence of the process (talk about ovulation, phases of the cycle). The girl will have enough information that explains what menstruation is, why this process is necessary in the body of women and how often blood secretions are observed.
- In no case is it worthwhile, in order to explain to the girl what monthly periods are, to use such means as a book or video. They can be used only as a so-called starting point. After that, the mother must independently, in accessible and simple words, talk about this process.
- Many psychologists recommend that in this kind of conversation focus on personal experience. So, for example, a mother can talk about how she was worried about the first menstruation and then ask her girl what she feels about this and what fears she has about her first menstruation.
- Always try to answer the child’s question and at the same time answer only to him, without overloading the girl with unnecessary and sometimes unnecessary information. Believe me, a child of 10-12 years old does not need to know all the features of female physiology.
Thus, it must be said that before explaining to your daughter, what is menstruation, mom should prepare her for such a conversation and choose the appropriate situation. It will be ideal when the girl herself asks her mother about it.
Women have had menstruation before
They just didn’t talk about it with the men. The bourgeois and noblemen used the formula “headache” or simply said that a woman had a malaise. The peasant women had devices like a hygienic belt. If there were no menstruation before, as claimed in fakes on the Internet, why did women then use these devices at all?
Heart to heart conversation
Before starting a conversation with her daughter, any mother should understand that what is clear to her can be a real mystery to her child. Therefore, it is so important to provide information correctly. Many girls do not know how their periods begin, and this “incident” sometimes plunges them into a real shock. Start a conversation with your own story, describe in detail how this happened to you. Explain to the baby that this is a natural process that will testify to her growing up. Tell us that when menstruation begins, the girl’s body changes, she becomes more attractive and feminine.
Emphasize that such a process is not a disease, but rather a confirmation of her female health. If the child is embarrassed to talk about it, do not push on him, give information in small portions. Try to interest the girl by helping to understand how she will change, and in the future she will be able to become a mother. And how to explain to the child what monthly periods are if he flatly refuses to talk about it? In this case, the best solution is to talk with someone whom the daughter trusts the most. Grandmother, sister or godmother can explain to her all the nuances.
And when to start a difficult conversation? As a rule, menstruation in girls begins from 9 to 15 years. However, this is not a law. It is best to tell the child all the subtleties before puberty, at 8 years old daughter will be able to understand you. Even if she does not learn everything, at the onset of menstruation, the child will at least not be scared. Convince your baby that there is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of, and you should definitely tell your mom about this event. Tell that such a process occurs in absolutely all girls and women in a certain period of life. At the same time, you should not focus on exactly when the menstruation should come, because a child can consider that the absence of menstruation before a certain age is a disease. But mom herself must control when the discharge begins. If they are too early (up to 8 years old) or, conversely, delayed up to 17 years, it is worth contacting a doctor for advice. After all, such shifts may indicate hormonal failure in the body.
When to start a conversation?
Sometimes parents delay the time of the conversation, believing that the child has not yet reached sufficient maturity. When to start a conversation? Is there a universal age at which you must certainly talk with the offspring? It turns out that every child can be ready to perceive this or that information in due time. There are several factors to be guided by:
- Menstruation can begin with a girl at 11 and even at 10 years old, so you need to talk with her in advance.
- It is worth taking a closer look at the child and assessing how strongly he or she is interested in “forbidden topics”.
- Sometimes the offspring himself begins to ask questions about the physiological characteristics of women and men. If he is more than 8 years old, then it is quite possible to begin to answer his questions substantively.
- If the son’s classmates do not hide their interest in issues of gender and relations between girls and boys. Such conversations sometimes arise in a children's company, adults can witness jokes on this topic.
Parents themselves can feel the time when they need to delicately tell their daughter about the stages of growing up a girl. This information is also useful for the boy, he must certainly know that girls sometimes feel unwell, and this is one of the reasons why they should not be treated rudely.
Menstruation in a girl can begin quite early, so she should be prepared for them
Information for Parents
Keep in mind that if your daughter has a weight deficit or excess, her periods may not occur for a long time. In this case, it is necessary to show the child to the doctor. As a rule, from the moment of breast formation until the onset of menstruation, approximately two years pass. Do not worry if the girl has already started her period, but they are irregular, with a shift of 10 to 14 days. The normal cycle will be established within 1.5-2 years. But you should pay attention if the delay is more than 3 months.
Preparing for a conversation
Some parents just have to start a conversation, the words themselves come to mind. Others have difficulty picking up phrases, especially when the question is about sensitive topics. If you consider yourself to be of the second type, it makes sense to prepare for the conversation with the help of improvised materials:
- Look for special literature, which explains in an accessible language how the periods (regula) in women go. It may be a children's encyclopedia, a magazine for parents. You can read the material and present it to the girl with your own comments. In addition, she will subsequently be able to read this information herself, consider pictures and photographs if questions arise.
- It will be great if you can pick up videos on this topic. You can watch a movie or even a cartoon with your daughter, in the course of the plot answering her questions.
PMS - tell a girl about him
Tell your daughter what menstruation means and how it occurs. Focus on the fact that this is a natural process. As soon as the child understands what awaits him, he can ask a question about painful sensations. And in this matter it is necessary to prepare the girl very delicately. It is not worth declaring that it is very painful, and so it will be every month. Try to clarify that all processes occurring in the body are individual. Perhaps it was she who would have no pain at all. It is better to tell more about the premenstrual period. Weakness, irritability, increased appetite, fatigue - these are symptoms that she can feel before menstruation. Explain that this will pass soon. Focus on the fact that during menstruation it is forbidden to overstrain both physically and emotionally, otherwise the cycle may go wrong.
How to explain to the child what monthly periods are, what hygiene rules must be followed? First of all, tell us that such days come once a month and do not last long - from about 3 to 7 days. During this period, it is very important to maintain cleanliness and regularly wash to avoid the risk of infections. Teach the baby that hot water enhances blood flow, so it is better not to take a bath during this period, but to use a shower. Water procedures must be carried out necessarily in the morning and in the evening. But in the first days you need to wash every 3-5 hours, depending on the intensity of the discharge. In this case, hygiene products must be replaced with new ones.
How to build a conversation? How to tell the girl about menstruation so that she does not feel disgust and is not afraid? What should I talk about right away, but what should I leave for later? First of all, you need to think in advance the structure of the conversation, and then the order in which it is best to present the information. We propose to build the stages of a conversation in the following sequence:
- Girls are little women. First you need to recall that any girl will grow into a woman who in the future can become a mother. Women have genital organs that allow the fetus to be carried out - the uterus, ovaries. The girl has the same organs, but they are still small, and grow with her.
- Preparing for future motherhood. At the onset of a certain age (11-14 years), the girl’s body signals that it is entering a new stage - preparation for future motherhood. The girl begins menstruation. It should be noted that almost all women have blood discharge, there is nothing terrible or shameful in this process.
- Hygiene. Separately, we need to talk about the fact that during critical days you need to observe hygiene especially carefully. During this period, pathogenic microflora is easier than usual to reach the internal organs, which leads to diseases of the genitourinary system. Gaskets need to be changed regularly and water procedures should not be neglected.
- What is PMS? This terrible abbreviation, about which almost everyone knows, is deciphered by the words "premenstrual syndrome." It is necessary to warn the daughter that during this period she may have mood swings, she may cry for no apparent reason or feel offended and lonely. The main thing that a girl should know about is a temporary state, it will certainly pass.
What to use
During menstruation, the girl should know what hygiene products to use. You can buy pads in advance and tell how to use them, how they will help her maintain freshness and cleanliness throughout the day. Explain that during this period they must be carried with you in reserve. But to use tampons to young ladies is not recommended. Tell us what is preferable to wear in such a period: it is worth abandoning light clothes and outfits that very tightly fit the body.
Strive for dialogue
Generally speaking about menstruation is not enough, it is important to wait for questions. If a daughter or son does not ask anything after the story, most likely the child is not ready to discuss this issue with her parents. There may be several reasons: the daughter already knows a lot from communicating with classmates, or she does not trust her parents and is embarrassed to speak on intimate topics.
Both options require careful study. What to do if the offspring does not make contact? It is worth waiting a couple of days after the conversation - a teenager may take time to understand the information, and a little later he will come to his parents with his questions. If the child continues to be silent and does not return to this topic, then it is necessary to act. Try to talk again, ask what he cares about and what he knows about the “critical days”.
Maybe someone has already provided the teenager with distorted information, and he believes that talking about it is embarrassing. It is necessary to try to find out what the offspring is afraid of, what exactly he already knows. It is very important to clarify to him what is true and what is fiction.
It happens that the conversation does not work - do not give up. Any conversation is better than silence and ignoring the problem.
If the child is not ready to make contact, there is no need to insist, it will be possible to talk later
Tell the girl that normal menstruation is very important for her health, so she must follow some rules on critical days:
- Avoid stress and overwork.
- Stop playing sports.
- You can not follow diets and starve - such an event can cause a menstrual failure and lead to hormonal imbalance.
- Do not swim in open water. High risk of catching an infection.
Questions to Answer
Since telling your daughter about your period with all the details is quite difficult, you should prepare for the conversation in advance and think about how to answer questions that may arise during the conversation. Often a teenager is curious how painful critical days go, how many days they last, and what if they start unexpectedly? If a boy is growing up in a family, you also need to talk with him about this topic, however, the conversation can be shorter and more general. We will try to answer the most popular questions of children about menstruation.
Does menstruation hurt?
A girl may worry that blood discharge is accompanied by pain. It must be explained that usually the regulation takes place painlessly, only at the beginning of the cycle in the lower abdomen may discomfort occur. However, each girl experiences her own feelings and some complain of abdominal pain, upset stool, dizziness. It is also worth talking about that before menstruation, the breast swells and becomes painful.
In some women, menstruation is painful, but do not initially scare this daughter
How much blood flows out?
Often it seems to girls that the blood from the vagina is flowing, this picture especially scares those who are afraid of its appearance. Mom must answer this question in order to talk about regulations based on personal impressions. Blood discharge is usually heterogeneous, often quite thick. In some women, discharge may be scarce, in others, abundant. At the same time, the blood that leaves is already “used” and it is not required for the life of the body. In the human body, everything is thought out and arranged in the best way. Instead of the lost blood, a new one is generated, which is a natural and even useful process.
Sometimes a girl is bothered by the question of whether it is possible to lose a lot of blood during critical days. Of course, situations can be different. During this period, you can not expose the body to active physical activity, so as not to cause bleeding, but you should not spend the whole day in bed. You need to lead a normal lifestyle with some limitations.
Gaskets or tampons?
If the daughter's age approaches the cherished 11 years, she is eagerly awaiting the first menstruation. It’s time, together with my mother, to prepare a stock of sanitary pads or tampons. What is better to use? This issue is controversial today. Some gynecologists are inclined to pads, others are not so critical and quite allow the idea that a young girl can use special tampons. We want to focus on the aspect that tampons are quite difficult to insert, and the pads are more comfortable and easy to use.
If we consider different types of hygiene products, then the pads are the most convenient to use.
Следует подготовиться и к тому, что вопросы могут касаться зачатия, контрацепции, интимных отношений между мужчиной и женщиной. Следует заранее обдумать, сколько информации можно выдать дочери или сыну в зависимости от их зрелости.
Forewarned - then everything is in order!
It is not enough to tell that almost all women have menstruation, it is also necessary to explain to their daughters how they pass in adolescents. It is necessary to warn her that at first the cycle may go wrong, and menstruation will go unevenly. On the website of Dr. Komarovsky there is information that in the first year after the menarche, the cycle can be from 20 to 90 days. The installation of the cycle may take six months, even a year or two, you should not worry about this. In order to estimate the number of days between regulations, you need to keep a calendar. It is enough to buy a girl a small copy and ask him to mark the dates in it when she begins critical days.
Sometimes a mother thinks that her daughter is a child and is not interested in the opposite sex - even in this case, it’s worth first to touch on the topic of a possible pregnancy. Explain that menstruation means the possibility of becoming pregnant, but does not mean that the body is ready to bear a child. A girl who has already started her period should be responsible for her body and her life.
INTERESTING: is it even possible to get pregnant while breastfeeding?
Early pregnancy is rarely desired, so it’s better to talk to the girl in advance
What is not worth talking about?
You can talk about the rules in your own words, as well as build a conversation according to your own ideas. However, do not scare the child and tell the young girl about any complications that are quite possible:
- It is impossible to limit the time of the onset of the first menstruation (menarche) with rigid frames. A girl who did not have a period at 13 will consider that she has any abnormalities. It is better to wait a bit and consult a pediatric gynecologist.
- Do not prepare your daughter in advance for the fact that menstruation is painful, otherwise she will build up fear in herself in anticipation. Also, one should not attach too little importance to them, saying that menstruation goes unnoticed. This process is physiological, you should prepare for it in advance, but do not give up your habits.
- You can not talk about menstruation as if their onset is something shameful, which should be silent. On the contrary, monthly menstruation is a normal process that occurs with every woman. At the same time, you can talk about them only with loved ones, without bringing out intimate details to the public.
Talk openly with your child to prepare him for new circumstances. You should not put off the conversation in a long box, because it is better if the girl learns about her periods from her mother than from someone else. Such conversations strengthen relationships and help parents better understand their child. It is very important not to lose contact with him, especially on the threshold of a difficult and interesting teenage period.
How to explain to the boy what monthly periods are?
Often, questions regarding menstruation arise in boys. In this case, mothers should not leave them unattended.
In such cases, the boy will have enough information that this is a physiological process that takes place in the body of every girl every month, is necessary for the birth of children. As a rule, boys do not ask more questions.
Changes in the body
Now you know how to explain to your child what menstruation is. But such a conversation will be an excellent occasion to tell the girl that now she is able to become pregnant and give birth. Even if your daughter does not yet have sex, let her have the necessary information. Pay her attention to the fact that the egg is now ripening in the body, which can be fertilized during sexual intercourse, after which pregnancy will occur. Of course, you shouldn’t intimidate a child, it’s better to tell you how to protect yourself, what means to use. Note that early pregnancies are undesirable and can negatively affect the body of a young mother.
Do not forget to talk about the risk of sexually transmitted diseases with unprotected sex, especially during menstruation. You can prepare special literature, with the help of which the child will become acquainted in detail with the information he is interested in, or look for a site with current problems for adolescents.
Dear parents, remember: despite the fact that your girl is growing up, many things frighten her and remain incomprehensible. Therefore, it is so important to correctly tell the child about the processes that occur in his body. Try to gain the confidence of the girl, and then you can support her in a difficult moment.